Posted by: Steph | February 3, 2007

Should I care?

I’ve been good and I haven’t let “the problem” get to me. Not engaging in an inane email war was the right decision as it permitted me to get past the fury, and on to things that matter. And quality aside, he did generally get his things in on time for this phase. Credit where it is due…

But now I’m in one of those “so what” modes about the 601. Not in a good way, in that I am keeping things in perspective and not caring too much, but in a bad way. I just want to say “fuck it”, and coast. All disclaimers aside – everyone is busy and has lots to do… this is my blog to analyze myself and rant, and not an attack on anyone – last night I really felt like going out. I need a break. I could not go out because everyone was getting their material to me and it was my job to work with that and move it to the next level. Fine. Accepted. I even stayed up till 4:00am on Thursday to get things as far as possible in preparation. But last night the majority of the stuff didn’t arrive. I was willing to stay up most of the night (about an 8 hour job to do this well) – but I couldn’t. And I couldn’t sleep. And now I’m tired, and it’s still not all in, and I don’t want to spend the 8 hours. Or the next 8 I had anticipated to make it presentable. There is no way this thing is going to reach the standard I had hoped for.

I want to find my usual motivation, but the truth is, right or wrong, I take it a bit personally and I’m a bit hurt that so many people didn’t bother adhering to the deadline and didn’t give me advance warning. And I’m mad at myself for taking it personally because that is stupid too. I volunteered to do a big job – a job that always winds up being way bigger than anticipated (content issues…) and I guess I’m wondering why I did. Maybe I should just stop taking initiative for this. Things will still get done one way or another, most of the team is very intelligent and extremely capable. Then again, I don’t want to be the type of person to just “do my part”.

Don’t know where to go on this. Maybe I can do what one person on our team did – go to another continent and just not do my stuff.

Enough from me. I’m sounding like a drama queen – but then again, everyone has their drama queen moments when it comes to the 601. I’m sure I’ll be back to normal soon enough.

I just hope the advisor that I think is so great doesn’t think I’m a complete turkey after reading our report.

Girl moment: Grey’s Anatomy – Meredith is a dolt. If I was in that fictional fun spot I would hang out with Madisson and Callie. Much cooler.


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